09.12.2012

Учим английский с рождественскими шутками (Christmas jokes for learning English)

Забавные рождественские шутки на английском
Что за Рождество без шуток, розыгрышей, забавных конкурсов и песен? А на занятиях по английскому языку - все это просто незаменимые вещи. Ведь так хочется не просто учиться, но и весело отпраздновать этот чудесный праздник. Вот почему я подготовила для вас подборку рождественских шуток на английском языке для уроков и праздничных мероприятий.








Funny Christmas picture
What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?                  
Snow!

*
What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
Neither, candles always burn shorter!
*

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple!
*                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?  
Santa Jaws!
*
What is Santa’s dog called?                                                  
Santa Paws!
*
What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
Sandy claws!
*

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells, jungle bells!
*
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one, after that it’s not empty any more!
*
Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snow ball!
*
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?    
Frostbite!
*
How does a snowman lose weight?
He waits for the weather to get warmer!
*
Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decemberrrr!
*
What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
The letter D!
*
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary!
*
What do you call an old snowman?                                          
Water!
*
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed!

*
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
*
How do snowmen greet each other?
Ice to meet you!
*
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A puddle
*
What's red and white and black all over?
Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney.
*
Funny Christmas picture
Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas:                              
No.  You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.
*
How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
*
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
*
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !
*
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
*
What is Father Christmas' wife called ?
Mary Christmas!
*
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
*
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
*
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.
Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
*
What A Girl Wants For Christmas

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap.  Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
*
What A Boy Wants For Christmas


Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Hamleys one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll buy it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.'


*
Christmas Turkey

It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'
*
Names of the other Reindeer

In addition to Rudolph, Santa has nine more reindeer who haul the sleigh the other reindeer are called: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner.

А напоследок рождественский рэп от Гугл - забавная песенка, отлично снятый клип.




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